When you have everything wrong!

A retrospective look


I spent this past weeks thinking of the way to organize my life. As you know, when we are control freak, anxious, and insecure, it takes for ever to finally act on that decision you already made in your head. Well, I have made a bunch of decisions in the course of two months and now I am freaking out.

I know that we learn through our mistakes, and those mistakes don’t have date of caducity. Right now I find myself in a situation where I want to “stop the bus -of life- because I want to get off.”

On the other hand, I need to be realistic and kind to myself. I am a professional woman with two successful children, who pretty much has done everything she has wanted to do. So, why is that every time I am faced with a big decision I feel stupid?

Ok, I will tell you why. It has to do with your internal voice and with not being present. It takes work to take care of yourself, so we ended up taking care of others because, first it is emotionally and physically safe and second, it give us immediate reward, it makes us the hero of the story.

I still get compliments for what a good mother I am, even though I quit that job five years ago. My children are adults now, but my Ego enjoys when I receive those compliments, especially when they come from public comments, not so much when they come from me. Private congratulations is not what Ms. Ego is looking for, she needs that the lights of the show to target her.

But I did it all wrong. Yes, it took me all this time to get rid of the fog and lights that were blinding me to understand that I am the first and everything else comes as a result of my well-being and not the other way around. It wasn’t easy to take me seriously, but once I did, everything started to feel good. Right now I am making room to locate myself. For the first time I choose to do what I really want to do and not from the egocentric position but from the real position of the self.

It is never too late to find yourself and start the life we were design for. We come to this world as an individual and depart in the same way. The interactions we have through the process of living are temporal, and they always come to teach us something.

Let’s take as a gift what others share with us, let’s improve our lives and pay it forward.


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